Clothes For Christmas? Mistakes We All Make!

“When you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear for Christmas.”

This witticism has a great deal of truth in it!  Once we pass the age of toys, it’s very likely that Santa (or mom, dad, grandma, etc.) will leave gifts of clothing under the tree.  But should we give clothing for Christmas---especially clothes beyond the ‘basics’ like underwear and socks, items that would qualify as fashion?

 

Let me be clear---in theory, any and every gift would be a perfect one, highly appreciated and the generator of bountiful thanks.  Or we would hold that the best gifts are those that don’t come from a store; the gifts of love, joy, and fellowship are far better and more memorable than anything from Belks, Target, or even Prada.

But we don’t live in a perfect world, and a majority of us include, in our celebration of the season, the purchase of gifts, including clothing.  So let’s be practical about how we go about choosing our gifts of fashion. 

On the positive side, clothes make great presents.  Dad’s camouflage jacket, Junior’s sweatshirt with the logo of his favorite team, Sissy’s sassy mini-skirt: what a grand haul, with ‘just what I wanted’ all the way around.  There’s a powerful psychological benefit to gifting clothes, especially to family members.  Knowing that someone you love has something you chose on his/her body---especially if it’s something to keep him/her warm and cozy in the cold winter months---brings a special sense of satisfaction.

But gifting clothes, especially fashionable ones, can also go terribly wrong. In my view, three very basic mistakes often occur in buying Christmas attire for friends and family.  All three errors could be avoided, but to do so requires a great deal of shopping discipline and openness between gift giver and gift recipient.  Here are my thoughts on how to cut these holiday disasters off at the Black Friday pass.

The first and perhaps most common error arises from not knowing a person’s size.  Pity the poor husband who gives his beautiful size 10 wife a size 4 dress.  “Oh, you think I should lose weight, don’t you!”  Pity even more the neighbor who gives his lovely size 8 spouse a size 14 dress.  “You’re saying I’m FAT!!!!”  Let’s hope these gents can move into a doghouse together and cuddle up to keep warm on Christmas night.  Sadly, even knowing a size often isn’t enough.  Any woman can tell you that a size 6 in one brand may range from a size 4-8 in another.  Vanity sizing is everywhere, making the shopper’s job more difficult by the year.

A second problem is when the shopper buys a present based on what he or she thinks the recipient should have, rather than what the recipient would want.  If we’re spending the money, we feel we have the right to impose our own tastes and values on the gift.  While that may be technically correct, it also violates the key quality of a good present---that it should be something that would make the recipient happy.  Grandmother disapproves of her granddaughter’s taste in skimpy blouses, so she gives her a thick, bulky, and completely sexless turtleneck sweater; grown daughter dislikes her mother’s Lee brand ‘mom jeans’ and buys her a pair of 7 For All Mankind.  While well intentioned, these gifts will probably never be worn, and the recipients will spend the rest of Christmas day thinking the givers are either clueless or mean.

The final mistake is perhaps the most difficult to correct.  When we buy things for others---even for others who are not our age or gender---we still look at these items with our own eyes.  We apply our personal senses of color, style, and texture.  The sweater that feels soft to me may be scratchy to you.  The color I adore may be the one you find repulsive.  What I perceive as cool and super trendy may simply be ridiculous in your opinion. In essence, even the most careful shopper is buying for herself.  This mistake happens all the time, even when we’re buying for the people we know the best.  It’s an error that arises from simply being human!

The worst Christmas gift I ever received came from a relative.  I was twenty years old, about to start student teaching at FSU, and my kinswoman meant well (I presume) but made all three of the shopping mistakes in the grandest way imaginable.  She announced that I needed a more ‘professional’ look and presented me with a two-piece wool suit in a shade of putrid purple.  It would have been perfect for an old maid librarian in a 1940s movie.  The suit was also three sizes too large for me, the size she said she ‘assumed I was’---this at a time in my life when I was extremely sensitive about my weight.  I know that over the years she probably gave me many gifts that I enjoyed, but unfortunately this is the one I remember.

Overall, the biggest problem with giving clothes for Christmas is that fashion is very personal, and most people over the age of six have a sense of fashion, even if they won’t admit it.  They have preferences and peeves about color, style, and brands, some of which seem completely unreasonable to the ‘sensible’ shopper who is a family member or close friend.  What we wear is an expression of ourselves, and a gift that violates that expression makes us wonder if the giver somehow doesn’t understand or appreciate us at heart.

 

Does that mean we should simply hand out gift cards for the holidays?  Of course not! We will continue to give shirts and sweaters and skirts because clothing is a shared experience of life.  Plus, it’s practical, especially after the kids are too old for Barbie dolls and radio controlled helicopters.  There’s no way to avoid all mistakes; even my mom and I, who are very close and have extremely similar tastes, often find ourselves making that return trip to the store on December 26---it’s become almost a joke with us.  That is the best message I can give: view all Christmas gifts as tokens of goodwill and have a joyful, thankful attitude, both as a giver and a receiver of sometimes wildly inappropriate fashion.

Oh, and always keep the receipt!