Hey, you!
Dude! Looking for a last
minute gift for a fashionista in your life? First of all---shame on you! Why didn’t you get started back in November? Oh, yes, I know, work is so engrossing
and if you’d abandoned your online game in mid-quest, Hermador the Vindictive
would have lost all his magical spell-points to the fuzzy elves in the Forest
of Murkaway. Well, it’s time to
make amends. The Faculty Fashionista
is here to help! I won’t recommend
specific products (since nobody’s paying me to plug them!) but I do hope I can give
you some reasonable ideas. And yes,
I’m talking to you, Bucko, cause women generally have more sense than to let
things wait until T minus 48 hours and counting.
First of all, spend just a few moments in your lady’s
bathroom. Go on, it won’t hurt
you! Look closely. What do you see? Does she use a lot of beauty
products? Is her bathtub lined
with scented soaps and candles? Do
some of her things look worn out and sad?
Now take a quick glance in her closet. Are her possessions well organized or dumped on the floor? Do you notice particular kinds of
accessories, like big bracelets or scarves? Ok, now, quick---get out of there before she catches you!
As you cruise to the mall, accept one thing right
now…you could have done better.
But you also could do a lot worse.
If you’re thinking, “I could just run to Wal-Mart and get her an iron,”
stop it! And if you are seriously
considering purchasing one of those animated singing fishes to stick on a wall,
please keep driving until you reach another state because she is better off
without you.
So you’ve arrived at your destination. Here are some suggestions, based on
what I hope you observed amid her lair.
Luxury hair styling equipment. Ladies go through hairbrushes and combs all the time, but if you can find
a set that is really beautiful, maybe fixed in silver or with a mother-of-pearl
handle, it could become an heirloom.
Boar hair bristles are more expensive, but they also do a better job and
are gentler on hair than the nylon bristles in the brush she’s probably using right
now. If she sets her hair on hot
rollers or a curling iron, that’s also a possibility, because those things do
wear out over time, and even if she’d prefer to stick with what she’s using now
I can guarantee you that it will wear out and quit on the morning that she has
a big presentation at work and needs to look spectacular. Who’s the hero then---it’s you,
Christmas chump, it’s you!
A classy compact.
Yes, it’s a bit of an old school gift, but if she wears lipstick she has
to check it, and I bet you’re tired of her always pulling down the visor in the
front seat of the car to use that lighted mirror. Here’s where knowing something about her is helpful, because
if she’s the playful type you can score with the rhinestone-studded,
blinged-out one, or if she’s more demure, you can win points by choosing a
classic style in silver or gold.
Bonus points if you can get it engraved.
Perfume. Always
a safe choice, if you know what brand she favors. Did you write down the name? Can you at least remember what the bottle looks like? Odds are that if she likes a pricier
brand (and you know these because they sell them in the middle of department
stores and you always sneeze when you walked through their midst), then she
probably has a bottle of cologne but hasn’t sprung for the hand cream, body
wash, or powder, which seem like indulgences. One word of warning though---if you can’t be sure of which
kind she likes, take a pass. From
her point of view, there’s nothing worse than a basket filled with perfume that
she thinks smells like bug spray.
Beautiful travel totes. Just because you throw your things in a plastic bag doesn’t
mean she will. There are
specialized carrying cases for makeup and jewelry; they end up in different
places in stores so you will have to swallow your pride and ask where you can
find them. These bags have linings
and compartments that keep powders and paints from spilling all over each other
in transit and prevent necklaces from getting tangled. Travel cases are almost always
are distinguished by their fabric, which is covered with florals and French phrases, or with poodles and the Eiffel
Tower; this is because all women
fantasize about being French women.
A jewelry box.
If you noticed that her bangles and beads are dumped out across her
closet floor, it might be time to invest in a jewelry box. Please don’t go get something from the
children’s department with Cinderella on it, and don’t fall for those $10 holiday specials at the discount store that won’t even hold her watch and two pairs of
earrings. Find a box that has at
least two or three layers and multiple sections for different types of
baubles. The wood should gleam, and if you go for metal, be sure it looks like a treasure chest (which it is!). And remember that this is another item that can be personalized with an
engraved plate inside, thus turning a last-minute gift into something that she
might treasure forever.
Gift Certificates.
OK, sit down for a minute, because we need to talk. There is nothing more debatable than
the merits of gift cards. Some
people love them and a lot of people hate them. You need to think if your lady has ever expressed an opinion
on the matter. The down side of a
gift card is that it doesn’t demonstrate a whole lot of thought on the giver’s
part and it can’t be put to use on Christmas Day (nor can it be returned for a
refund). But on the positive side,
if it’s for a place or a product that she really likes, and that you feel
incompetent to pursue for her, it might be just the ticket out of the Yuletide
doghouse. So you’re on your own
here. Might I suggest, though, if
you go the gift card route, that you at least consider something a bit more
unique and super pampering, like the gift of a day at a spa. Even better, make it an
upcoming adventure you can share, like a morning of horseback riding, a romantic
evening at a fancy hotel, or tickets to a play. Whatever you do, don’t give her a Christmas gift card to
somewhere she goes all the time, like Target or the grocery store. Nothing screams ‘I couldn’t be bothered
to think about you’ any louder than that.
I’ve approached this topic with humor, but to conclude I
want to say one very serious thing.
Before you wrap whatever gift you’ve chosen for the lady in your life,
take a moment to think about what she means to you. And then say it.
Write it down and stick it in with that gift. She may forget (and hopefully forgive) that uninspired package
of bath salts or that gift subscription to a magazine she already receives, as
long as there’s a message that is honest and heartfelt inside the package. Christmas really shouldn’t be about
products but about the way we feel.
Tell her how much you love her, how beautiful she is, how you couldn’t
imagine your life without her.
That’s what every woman with a man in her life really wants
for Christmas.
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